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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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U.S. Planes Kill Canadian

U.S. warplanes accidentally fired on Canadian troops in southern Afghanistan, killing one and wounding five. What do you think?
  • "This sends a powerful message to bin Laden. It says, 'We're willing to destroy any ally in order to hunt you down in what would be a largely symbolic victory.'"

    Karen Walton Safety Inspector
  • "Clearly, U.S. military leaders are having some creative differences over there. One idea would be to decide on the enemy, and then agree not to kill people who do not fall under that category."

    Jaime Rodriguez Systems Analyst
  • "Look, the American military does not discriminate. Gay, straight, Taliban, Canadian, Pat Tillman—we will shoot you all."

    Keith McGovern Housewares Associate

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