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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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U.S. Sets Tornado Record

The National Weather Service reported a new record for number of tornadoes in a day, with 312 counted in a 24-hour period last week. What do you think?

  • "That's a lot of math. Maybe they should have been doin' more tornado catchin' and less tornado countin'."

    Lisa Grohl Pull-Tab Dispenser Stocker
  • "My God. Just think of how many thousands of anecdotes about things being driven several inches into the sides of other things were spawned during that 24-hour period."

    Bill Mojica Bit Tapper
  • "Are you really trying to talk to me about the weather? Man, I hate small talk."

    Matthew Gregory Unemployed

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