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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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U.S. Suicide Rate Up Amid Economic Crisis

According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data, the national suicide rate climbed slowly from 1999 to 2007, but then surged more than fourfold between 2008 and 2010, during the depths of the nation’s economic crisis. What do you think?

  • “Makes sense. Nothing boosts morale or whisks your blues away quite like a full-time job.”

    Ingrid Hebenstreit Forest Fire Warden
  • “Aw, hang in there, guys! I’m rich and I’m incredibly happy!”

    Travis Cardinal Film Spooler
  • “It was silly for all those people to kill themselves back then. They should have waited until after the election like me. Goodbye.”

    Jeff Larissa Hammersmith
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