U.S. Suicide Rate Up Amid Economic Crisis

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

U.S. Suicide Rate Up Amid Economic Crisis

According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data, the national suicide rate climbed slowly from 1999 to 2007, but then surged more than fourfold between 2008 and 2010, during the depths of the nation’s economic crisis. What do you think?

  • “Makes sense. Nothing boosts morale or whisks your blues away quite like a full-time job.”

    Ingrid Hebenstreit
    Forest Fire Warden
  • “Aw, hang in there, guys! I’m rich and I’m incredibly happy!”

    Travis Cardinal
    Film Spooler
  • “It was silly for all those people to kill themselves back then. They should have waited until after the election like me. Goodbye.”

    Jeff Larissa
    Hammersmith