adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

U.S. Tapped Phones Of 35 World Leaders

According to documents leaked by Edward Snowden, the National Security Agency tapped German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s phone as well as those of about 35 other foreign leaders beginning as early as 2002. What do you think?

  • “The U.S. has been kicking ass lately.”

    Darin Lam Systems Analyst
  • “Good luck understanding that crazy-ass language of theirs.”

    Bethany Underhill Lifeguard
  • “It must be nice to have someone care what you say.”

    Hans Behling Bakery Owner

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close