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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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U.S. To Hold Peace Talks With Taliban

American and Taliban leaders confirmed yesterday that they would meet face-to-face this week in the Taliban’s newly opened political office in Qatar to discuss a formal peace agreement to end the 12-year war in Afghanistan. What do you think?

  • “Middle East peace talks! That’s a great idea!”

    Ron Diamantopoulos Weaver
  • “Oh no, now we’re going to get a reputation of being a country that folds after only 10 to 15 years of pointless fighting.”

    Valentina Esposito Rafting Guide
  • “Good luck to both sides!”

    Bryce Milars Systems Analyst
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