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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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U.S.-Turkey Relations Cool

Turkey recalled its ambassador to the U.S. and warned there would be dire consequences if Congress passes a resolution classifying the massacre of 1.5 million Armenians between 1915 and 1923 as genocide. What do you think?
  • "This is reminiscent of when Germany withdrew their ambassador until America officially recognized Oktoberfest."

    Jane Young Systems Analyst
  • "Well, politics is all about finding a middle ground. How about calling it an unmitigated slaughter? Would that work?"

    Ricardo Olmos Traffic Cop
  • "If there's anything our Congress is good at, it's passing philosophical resolutions in name only that have no tangible outcome."

    Ben Hauer Insurance Agent
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