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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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U.S. Wins Its First Olympic Gold Medal In Ice Dancing

U.S. Olympic skating pair Meryl Davis and Charlie White took home the gold medal in Ice Dancing on Monday with their free-skate performance of “Scheherazade,” the first time the United States has won a gold medal in the event. What do you think?

  • “This is just the pick-me-up we needed after Iraq and Afghanistan.”

    David Belcher Unemployed
  • “See, people say the Winter Olympics has limited appeal, but then you get an interpretive ballroom ice-dance version of a 19th-century symphony about an Arabian fable, and who can’t get on board?”

    Sean Glover Parade Organizer
  • “My bookie really took a bath on this one.”

    Lilly Baker Special Education Instructor
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