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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
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USA Today Redesigned

Redesigned for the first time in its 30 years in print, USA Today, the nation’s second-largest newspaper by circulation, now features more color, photos, and infographics, as well as a “Your Say” section with comments from Twitter and Facebook. What do you think?

  • “Wow! Where can I buy one of those?”

    Rodney De La Rosa Marine Cargo Surveyor
  • “I’ll check it out, but only if it features colors I’ve never seen anywhere before in my life.”

    Moon Hwa Yee Public Health Nutritionist
  • “Look, I don’t have the time it takes to decipher all these ‘graphics’ and ‘pictures.’ Can’t someone from the paper just call me up once a day and shout a word or two to let me know what’s going on?”

    Sophie Baer Coating Machine Operator

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