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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Uwe Boll Boxes Critics

Uwe Boll, director of the critically reviled House of the Dead, recently took on four of his critics in a boxing ring in Canada. What do you think?
  • "Too bad Rex Reed wouldn't sign on—but I understand he was training for a title defense against Michael Bay."

    Mark Friedman Ship's Mate
  • "This incoherent burst of violence is not the Uwe Boll I know. Where's the long and pointless explanations about zombies?"

    Jonas Begin Croupier
  • "Laughable violence, low-rent stunts, pitifully self-indulgent. D-."

    Janice Hartley Event Planner

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