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Vaccine Rejectors Put Kids At Risk

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Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
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Vaccine Rejectors Put Kids At Risk

Though children who go unvaccinated for whooping cough are 23 times more likely to contract the illness than those who get their shots, many parents are still choosing to forgo immunization for their kids. What do you think?
  • "But vaccinations cause autism. Sure, science says otherwise, but Jenny McCarthy has some real convincing anecdotes.”

    Scott Sacks Baker
  • "Those parents should be putting the health of their children ahead of their petty desires to thumb their noses at the work of Jules Bordet."

    Kittson Dunn Feed Blender
  • "Some people may call me a bad parent for not having my children vaccinated. Other people may call me an irresponsible asshole. But personally, I don't see why I can't be both."

    Michael Pfau Brick Junction Maker

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