After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
End Of Section
  • More News

Vaccine Rejectors Put Kids At Risk

Though children who go unvaccinated for whooping cough are 23 times more likely to contract the illness than those who get their shots, many parents are still choosing to forgo immunization for their kids. What do you think?
  • "But vaccinations cause autism. Sure, science says otherwise, but Jenny McCarthy has some real convincing anecdotes.”

    Scott Sacks Baker
  • "Those parents should be putting the health of their children ahead of their petty desires to thumb their noses at the work of Jules Bordet."

    Kittson Dunn Feed Blender
  • "Some people may call me a bad parent for not having my children vaccinated. Other people may call me an irresponsible asshole. But personally, I don't see why I can't be both."

    Michael Pfau Brick Junction Maker

After Birth

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.