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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Vanilla Ice To Work With Amish In New TV Show

Rapper Vanilla Ice will star in a reality show on the DIY Network titled Vanilla Ice Goes Amish, in which the “Ice Ice Baby” singer will live among an Amish community in Ohio to learn their construction methods. What do you think?

  • “I’ll give him two weeks tops before he loses it for lack of zippers.”

    Daniel Aronson Pewter Caster
  • “Must be weird for the Amish to participate in a project where they’re not the punch line.”

    Charla Mason Limousine Driver
  • “This is a total rip-off of Hammer Goes Hasidic.”

    Ken Carr Insole Buffer
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