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Vast Field Of Marijuana Found In Chicago

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Vast Field Of Marijuana Found In Chicago

Officers in a police helicopter discovered a marijuana plantation on Chicago’s South Side that is the size of two football fields, containing more than 1,500 large plants and worth an estimated $7 million to $10 million. What do you think?

  • “Oh, didn’t they see it earlier when it was on Buzzfeed’s top 20 marijuana plantations visible on Google Maps?”

    Jack McCulley Experimental Welder
  • “Are they sure it’s not oregano? One time I bought a field of marijuana from a guy, and when I got it home, it was just a vast field of oregano.”

    Theadora Melnick Racehorse Trainer
  • “Who would have thought to commit a crime in Chicago?”

    Mark Edelman Sewing Machine Operator

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