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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.
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Vatican Blames Man-Made Emissions For Global Warming

A scientific panel convened by the Vatican called upon people to work to reduce the emission of greenhouse gasses to slow global climate change. What do you think?

  • “If the Church can go from forgiving Galileo to accepting global warming in 11 years, I figure they’re on track to admit God doesn’t exist by 2015.”

    Aiden Theart Systems Analyst
  • "It's all there in the story of the ass who tricked Jephtha into producing carbon dioxide."

    Sophia Lambert Tabber
  • "Sounds like God and science have some kind of cross-promotional thing going on. As an ad man, I respect that."

    Anthony Adams Advertising Agent
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