Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California

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Vol 50 Issue 33

God Knocked Unconscious By DirectTV Satellite

THE HEAVENS—Noting that He was a little shaken but would be all right, sources confirmed Friday that the Lord God Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, was struck by a DirecTV satellite approximately 22,000 miles above earth, rendering Him unconscious for ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California

An alternative version of the Bavarian holiday Oktoberfest is coming to Santa Monica, CA for people who don’t eat animal products, replacing traditional German foods with vegan bratwurst, pancakes, sauerkraut, and beer. What do you think?

  • “German heritage is nothing if not flexible.”

    Linda Woods
    Retail Consultant
  • “Looks like I finally found a use for my meat flask.”

    Jason Werner
    Grass Cutter
  • “I think my all-Oompah tribute to Morrissey just booked its first gig.”

    Gabriel McMartin
    Unemployed
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