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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Vehicular Search And Seizure

Last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that police do not need a warrant to search or seize a vehicle in a public place. What do you think of the court's decision to expand police powers and limit the rights of criminal suspects?
  • "Can people who are not police search and seize cars now, too? Because I've had my eye on my neighbor's Camaro for a long, long time."

    Thomas Rayburn Systems Analyst
  • "Police definitely need to file a warrant before they search a vehicle. Otherwise, how will they know for sure that the car belongs to a minority?"

    Louise O'Connell Receptionist
  • "What's this country coming to? Next, the police will be able to confiscate the weed from my glove compartment, too."

    Christine Davis Dental Hygienist
  • "As a certified bikini inspector, let me tell you I don't need a warrant to do my job, either. Whoo-hoo!"

    Ben Gaitskell Repair Man
  • "It sounds like this is just one more way American civil liberties are being quietly chipped away. Oh, well. Could you pass me another Nutter Butter? Those things are tasty."

    Andy Perón Machine Operator
  • "Everyone's blowing this so-called rights issue out of proportion. If someone's driving erratically, more often than not they have a car full of Jews."

    Cecil Dubcek Hospital Administrator
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