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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Venezuela Offers Oil To Poor In Massachusetts

Under an agreement with Venezuela President Hugo Chavez, the poor in Massachusetts will receive cheap heating oil this winter. What do you think?
  • "Stupid Venezuelans! Don't they know the stuff's valuable?"

    Hugh Webb Pipe Fitter
  • "Our government should accept it and then turn around and sell it at a huge profit. In your face, Venezuelan president! And the poor!"

    Brenda Kruse Manicurist
  • "I think the poor should do the right thing and snub Chavez's offer."

    Hank Augustine Switchboard Operator
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