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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Venezuela Running Out Of Toilet Paper

Government mismanagement has left toilet paper in short supply in Venezuela, causing long lines to form throughout the country to purchase the rapidly dwindling item, and prompting lawmakers to call for the immediate importation of 50 million rolls. What do you think?

  • “See, this is why Chavez was such a huge proponent of bidets.”

    Nikita Nikolic Unemployed
  • “They better make sure it’s two-ply or they’ll end up right back where they started in a week.”

    Dennis Fogarty Chain Repairer
  • “What are they, a bunch of fragile flowers? Just use coffee filters like everyone else who runs out.”

    Peter Houseman Oven Operator
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