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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Venezuela Running Out Of Toilet Paper

Government mismanagement has left toilet paper in short supply in Venezuela, causing long lines to form throughout the country to purchase the rapidly dwindling item, and prompting lawmakers to call for the immediate importation of 50 million rolls. What do you think?

  • “See, this is why Chavez was such a huge proponent of bidets.”

    Nikita Nikolic Unemployed
  • “They better make sure it’s two-ply or they’ll end up right back where they started in a week.”

    Dennis Fogarty Chain Repairer
  • “What are they, a bunch of fragile flowers? Just use coffee filters like everyone else who runs out.”

    Peter Houseman Oven Operator
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