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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez Dies

Hugo Chávez, Venezuela’s divisive leader for the past 14 years and a vocal detractor of the United States, died of cancer yesterday at the age of 58. What do you think?

  • “That’s a shame. All the best enemies of America die young.”

    Mandy McLeod Miner
  • “Life’s funny sometimes. One minute, you’re ruling over a broke, crime-ridden country. The next, you’re dead.”

    Gary Beck Condenser Tube Tender
  • “Hopefully his successor won’t be such a divisive figure. Could you even imagine living in a place where half the country doesn’t trust their own leader?”

    Bob Rennison Systems Analyst

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