adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Vermont OKs Gay Marriage

Last week, Vermont became the first state to legally recognize same-sex marriages. What do you think about this historic legislation?
  • "At long last, Ben will be able to make an honest man of Jerry."

    Linda Leone Pharmacist
  • "Gay marriage is only going to take weddings to another opulent level."

    Risa More School Psychologist
  • "I suppose it's okay for homosexuals to marry–so long as they don't marry each other, of course."

    Richard Westlake Systems Analyst
  • "Shit. Now Mom will really step up the pressure on me and my leather slave to finally tie the knot."

    Hal Iorg Gas-Station Clerk
  • "First, the military, now marriage. Why do these gays want in on our worst institutions?"

    George Lewis Architect
  • "Homosexuals are just trying to make their sodomy as morally acceptable as the sodomy I enjoy in my church-sanctioned marriage."

    Frank Brodhagen Truck Driver

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close