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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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'Veronica Mars' Film Sets Kickstarter Fundraising Record

Fans of the UPN and CW show Veronica Mars, which aired from 2004 to 2007, set a record on the fundraising site Kickstarter, contributing more than $1 million in less than five hours to help finance a Warner Brothers–produced Veronica Mars feature film. What do you think?

  • “Set up a Kickstarter fund for a Yes, Dear movie and watch that record fall.”

    Gill Whittaker Flying Instructor
  • “I never donate money, but when a major global media corporation asks for help, how can you say no?”

    Sue Daiko Electric Blanket Wirer
  • “Wowee, if Kristen Bell can raise a million bucks on the ’net, I’ll bet a guy like me, Joss Whedon, could really clean up.”

    Joss Whedon Film And Television Producer
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