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'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

The 1958 Alfred Hitchcock thriller Vertigo was named the greatest movie of all time in the British Film Institute's annual ranking of the top 50 movies, ousting Orson Welles' 1941 classic Citizen Kane from the spot it had occupied for half a century. What do you think?

  • “Hey, now that you mention it, it is objectively much better.”

    Cory Southwell Yarn Cleaner
  • “Yeah, Citizen Kane came out more than 70 years ago. You’ve got to keep things fresh.”

    Farrah Roesch Packaging Engineer
  • “This would never have happened if Rosebud had turned out to be something awesome like a rocket-car or a dragon.”

    Oswaldo Fama Fundraiser

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