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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

The 1958 Alfred Hitchcock thriller Vertigo was named the greatest movie of all time in the British Film Institute's annual ranking of the top 50 movies, ousting Orson Welles' 1941 classic Citizen Kane from the spot it had occupied for half a century. What do you think?

  • “Hey, now that you mention it, it is objectively much better.”

    Cory Southwell Yarn Cleaner
  • “Yeah, Citizen Kane came out more than 70 years ago. You’ve got to keep things fresh.”

    Farrah Roesch Packaging Engineer
  • “This would never have happened if Rosebud had turned out to be something awesome like a rocket-car or a dragon.”

    Oswaldo Fama Fundraiser

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