'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

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Vol 48 Issue 32

Occasional Butts

AMC 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Amanda walks out of the bathroom to put on a robe. Jared and David talk in the locker room after racquetball.

Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting

BROOKLYN, NY—Sitting in the living room of his apartment Wednesday, a visibly anxious Drew Johnson told reporters that, fuck, his roommates want to have a meeting as soon as everyone can find a moment. According to the 24-year-old production assista...

Thursday, August 16

Authorities will be coming by homes to collect all children born the week of June 11-17 as foretold in the prophecy.

Just Give Us Five Episodes

CBS 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Detective Seth Murray and his hard-nosed colleagues take some getting used to, we know, but just stick with them and you’ll probably come around.

Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

Eviction proceedings were formally brought against accused Aurora, CO gunman James Holmes on Wednesday, with his landlord citing the tenant’s murder of 12 theatergoers, damage to the premises, and rigging of multiple explosive devices in the apartme...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Comedy

'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

The 1958 Alfred Hitchcock thriller Vertigo was named the greatest movie of all time in the British Film Institute's annual ranking of the top 50 movies, ousting Orson Welles' 1941 classic Citizen Kane from the spot it had occupied for half a century. What do you think?

  • “Hey, now that you mention it, it is objectively much better.”

    Cory Southwell
    Yarn Cleaner
  • “Yeah, Citizen Kane came out more than 70 years ago. You’ve got to keep things fresh.”

    Farrah Roesch
    Packaging Engineer
  • “This would never have happened if Rosebud had turned out to be something awesome like a rocket-car or a dragon.”

    Oswaldo Fama
    Fundraiser
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