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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Video Games To Have Ads

EA Games, makers of the popular Madden football-video-game franchise, just signed a deal with Microsoft's ad-placement arm to incorporate real-time spots in their titles. What do you think?
  • "It was only a matter of time before playing sports video-games sucked in all the same ways as being at the event or watching it on TV."

    Blain Powell Proofreader
  • "Well, of course advertisers are welcome to make offers, but they should know my virtual athletes' endorsements don't come cheap."

    Karen Thiede Systems Analyst
  • "Finally, a game that can simulate the thrill of watching televised-sporting-event ads."

    Fletcher Dowling Exterminator
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