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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Video Games To Have Ads

EA Games, makers of the popular Madden football-video-game franchise, just signed a deal with Microsoft's ad-placement arm to incorporate real-time spots in their titles. What do you think?
  • "It was only a matter of time before playing sports video-games sucked in all the same ways as being at the event or watching it on TV."

    Blain Powell Proofreader
  • "Well, of course advertisers are welcome to make offers, but they should know my virtual athletes' endorsements don't come cheap."

    Karen Thiede Systems Analyst
  • "Finally, a game that can simulate the thrill of watching televised-sporting-event ads."

    Fletcher Dowling Exterminator

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