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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Violence On Ice

On Feb. 21, Boston Bruins defenseman Marty McSorley was suspended for the rest of the season for a savage stick hit to the head of Vancouver Canucks left winger Donald Brashear. What do you think of this latest incident of NHL violence and the possibility of criminal prosecution?
  • "Hockey players need to learn to sit down and work through their differences through improved communication. That's the premise of my new book, Penguins Are From Pittsburgh, Oilers Are From Edmonton."

    Samantha Krauss Author
  • "Man, I'd hate to do time in one of them Canadian prisons. I've heard some scary stuff."

    Ed Wyler Cashier
  • "I hit someone in the face with a stick at Wal-Mart yesterday, and the greeters had me in the cart corral for 10 minutes."

    Doug Rohm Welder
  • "Wasn't Brashear cushioned from the blow by his long, flowing mane of hockey hair?"

    Donna Winters Manicurist
  • "I can't believe the police would want to get involved just because a man intentionally hit another man with a blunt object with the intent to cause great bodily harm."

    Sam Schneider Systems Analyst
  • "This sort of violence will stop once the players realize how much it displeases the fans."

    Bruce Thomas Attorney
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