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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Violence On Ice

On Feb. 21, Boston Bruins defenseman Marty McSorley was suspended for the rest of the season for a savage stick hit to the head of Vancouver Canucks left winger Donald Brashear. What do you think of this latest incident of NHL violence and the possibility of criminal prosecution?
  • "Hockey players need to learn to sit down and work through their differences through improved communication. That's the premise of my new book, Penguins Are From Pittsburgh, Oilers Are From Edmonton."

    Samantha Krauss Author
  • "Man, I'd hate to do time in one of them Canadian prisons. I've heard some scary stuff."

    Ed Wyler Cashier
  • "I hit someone in the face with a stick at Wal-Mart yesterday, and the greeters had me in the cart corral for 10 minutes."

    Doug Rohm Welder
  • "Wasn't Brashear cushioned from the blow by his long, flowing mane of hockey hair?"

    Donna Winters Manicurist
  • "I can't believe the police would want to get involved just because a man intentionally hit another man with a blunt object with the intent to cause great bodily harm."

    Sam Schneider Systems Analyst
  • "This sort of violence will stop once the players realize how much it displeases the fans."

    Bruce Thomas Attorney

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