Virginia To Execute First Woman In 97 Years

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Vol 46 Issue 37

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday.

Arian Foster

Little-heralded Texans running back Foster had a monster game against the once-dominant Colts Sunday. Is he any good?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Virginia To Execute First Woman In 97 Years

Unless the state's governor issues a stay of execution, Virginia will to execute Teresa Lewis on Sept. 23. What do you think?

  • "This is so unfair. I'm sure she's only going to be given two-thirds of the poison that a man would get."

    Pam Day
    Systems Analyst
  • "Hey, that's my birthday!"

    Matt Benton
    Hack-Saw Operator
  • "But it's not an execution; it's just a test to see if she's a witch. If she survives the potassium chloride injection, then we'll know for sure that she is one."

    Marc Johnson
    Nutrition Aide
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