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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Vladimir Putin Divorcing Wife

Russian President Vladimir Putin and Lyudmila, his wife of almost 30 years who was rarely seen in public, announced their joint decision to divorce last week. What do you think?

  • “No!”

    Christopher Victor Icing Maker
  • “Great. Another president to compete with on the dating scene.”

    Henry Murphy Police Officer
  • “That explains the change in his KhoroshoCupid status.”

    Claudia Seider Electroplater

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