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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Wal-Mart To Carry Morning-After Pill?

Women's groups are pressuring Wal-Mart to change their policy and start carrying the morning-after Pill. What do you think?
  • "Wal-Mart has always sold emergency contraceptives. What do you think the paint aisle is for?"

    Paul Zagoras Fish And Wildlife Conservation Officer
  • "Wal-Mart didn't carry the medication when I needed it, but in the interest of serving my needs, the pharmacist did refer to a very inspirational Bible passage."

    Mike Gerald CPA
  • "It makes sense to me, because when I think about birth control, my first thought is definitely Wal-Mart customers."

    Erica Tunnison Bartender

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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