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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Wal-Mart Wants Republican President

Wal-Mart managers have reportedly been told by higher-ups that a Democratic president would lead to unions, less jobs, and less profits for their stores. What do you think?
  • "I heard when he becomes president, Obama will completely outlaw 98-cent three-packs of socks."

    Charlie London Paper Salesman
  • "It's true. We all know how Wal-Mart just barely squeaked by during the Clinton administration."

    Pat Hertz Cement Truck Operator
  • "Did they have these conversations while on break? Ha! Trick question! Wal-Mart doesn't give breaks."

    Selma Rogowski Photographer

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