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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters

Admitting it had made mistakes and been over optimistic about its international prospects, Wal-Mart announced it would delay expansions in Mexico—where it faces bribery charges—as well as in China and Brazil. What do you think?

  • "Ha! I knew they couldn't compete with the worker exploitation standards of the global market."

    Wiley Medeiros Watch-Crystal Molder
  • "You'd think everyone in those countries would want to visit the stores, just to see what they've made sitting proudly on the shelf."

    Theodore Monrovia Voice Pathologist
  • "Brazil seems way more like a Target country to me."

    Dina DeMasi School Bus Monitor
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