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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters

Admitting it had made mistakes and been over optimistic about its international prospects, Wal-Mart announced it would delay expansions in Mexico—where it faces bribery charges—as well as in China and Brazil. What do you think?

  • "Ha! I knew they couldn't compete with the worker exploitation standards of the global market."

    Wiley Medeiros Watch-Crystal Molder
  • "You'd think everyone in those countries would want to visit the stores, just to see what they've made sitting proudly on the shelf."

    Theodore Monrovia Voice Pathologist
  • "Brazil seems way more like a Target country to me."

    Dina DeMasi School Bus Monitor

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