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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Wall Street And The Mob

Last week, the FBI arrested 120 members of New York crime families, breaking up a massive securities scam that combined old-school Mob violence with high-tech Internet fraud. What do you think of organized crime's foray into Wall Street?
  • "I kind of expected more from the Gambinos than sitting at home, bilking old ladies out of their stock portfolios on a blueberry iMac."

    Cindy Greenwood Pediatrician
  • "It's about time they nailed Sammy 'Double Click' Luchese and the whole Dotcommicia crime syndicate."

    Rudolph Lambert File Clerk
  • "All those pork bellies in my bed are finally starting to make sense."

    John Furness Teacher
  • "Now I see why that big guy in the pinstripe suit came by my office, saying how it'd be a real shame if a sudden interest-rate hike led to investor wariness, precipitating a sell-off in S&P 500 futures."

    Bill Greene Stock Broker
  • "Well, my broker is E.F. Hutton, and E.F. Hutton had better not say a goddamn word."

    Lawrence Ham Systems Analyst
  • "Great. Just when I thought I'd finally gotten caught up on my 21st-century neologisms, I gotta start worrying about the eMafia."

    Pamela Kolb Botanist

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