adBlockCheck

Business

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Archivists Unearth Rare Early Career Paul Newman Salsa

WESTPORT, CT—Shedding light on the formative years of the late actor and philanthropist, researchers cataloging the personal archives of Paul Newman confirmed Friday they had uncovered a long-forgotten salsa from early in his career.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:
End Of Section
  • More News

Wall Street And The War

In spite of widespread predictions that the war would cure Wall Street's ills, the stock market has been unpredictable since the invasion of Iraq began. What do you think?
  • "Wall Street's fluctuations suggest a disturbing lack of confidence in our fighting men abroad. Come on, Dow, support the troops."

    Michael Kingery Accountant
  • "I don't know, my shares of Bombco have been pretty solid."

    Fred Lathon Systems Analyst
  • "Those jitters on Wall Street probably have more to do with New York's smoking ban than with the war."

    Melissa Arcero Florist
  • "It's wartime, so I guess I figured all of us unemployed people would get jobs building munitions or riveting battleships."

    Chris Cassell Unemployed
  • "My noise-rock band is creating a song with chord changes based on the Dow's actual fluctuations. You bet it sucks!"

    Dean Reiss Machinist
  • "All I want is for my son to make it home from Wall Street alive."

    Marjorie Block Homemaker

More from this section

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close