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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Warren Buffett Offering $1 Billion For Perfect NCAA Bracket

Warren Buffett, the world's fourth-richest person, is offering a $1 billion prize to anyone who can accurately predict the outcome of every game in this year’s NCAA men’s basketball tournament, though statisticians estimate even the most knowledgeable fan only has a one-in-a-billion chance of filling out a perfect bracket. What do you think?

  • “A billion dollars? But that’s exactly enough to pay for Little Susie’s surgery. I have to win!”

    Bill Evans Systems Analyst
  • “He didn’t come to be the world’s richest man by playing it safe.”

    Ann Despotidou Meeting Scheduler
  • “The winner at my office gets a Chili’s gift card. So it’d be pretty sweet if I could win this one too.”

    Kevin D’Amico Squadron Leader

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