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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Was Romney A Bully?

Former classmates of Mitt Romney have reported multiple incidents of bullying by the presidential candidate when he was a student at the prestigious Cranbrook preparatory school in Michigan. What do you think?

  • "I don't get why everyone always says that Romney has no personality when he's very clearly an asshole."

    Henry Partain Systems Analyst
  • “I'm not sure ‘bully’ is the right word, but it’s pretty damn forward to dedicate a chunk of your life to wheedling strangers into worshipping your god.”

    Gayle Hardesty Antiques Restorer
  • "There’s only one way to find out. Put my shy kid with a lisp in front of him and see if he can keep his slapping hands to himself."

    Thomas Vail Mill Attendant
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