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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Was Romney A Bully?

Former classmates of Mitt Romney have reported multiple incidents of bullying by the presidential candidate when he was a student at the prestigious Cranbrook preparatory school in Michigan. What do you think?

  • "I don't get why everyone always says that Romney has no personality when he's very clearly an asshole."

    Henry Partain Systems Analyst
  • “I'm not sure ‘bully’ is the right word, but it’s pretty damn forward to dedicate a chunk of your life to wheedling strangers into worshipping your god.”

    Gayle Hardesty Antiques Restorer
  • "There’s only one way to find out. Put my shy kid with a lisp in front of him and see if he can keep his slapping hands to himself."

    Thomas Vail Mill Attendant

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