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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Water Found On The Moon

The presence of water has been detected all over the surface of the moon by planetary geologists. What do you think?
  • "Yes, but does the moon have peninsulas? Earth rules!!"

    Tim Venitsky Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God. I'm so thirsty from that long space ride."

    Agatha Smith Crossbar-Frame Wirer
  • "A rat done bit my sister Nell, with water on the moon. Her face and arms began to swell, and water's on the moon."

    John Elke Larry-Car Operator

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