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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Weaves, Braids May Hasten Balding Process

A study of 326 black women revealed that a quarter of them were suffering from baldness that may be linked to hairstyles that tug at the scalp, such as braids or weaves. What do you think?

  • "Hmm. I'll have to check with my one black friend to see if that's true."

    Mary Bloom Career Counselor
  • "It makes me glad that, in one very small way, the universe has finally started to treat black women and rich old white men with utter equality."

    Keith Roester Sea Transport Worker
  • "Big shout-out to my black sisters. I want to wish them the peace and strength to deal with that whole janky weave thing."

    Finn Castellano Animal Control Worker

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