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Entertainment

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Weezer Cancels Concerts

Following a bus accident in which lead singer Rivers Cuomo cracked three ribs, the band Weezer has canceled its December tour dates. What do you think?
  • "Now where the hell am I going to wear this stupid cardigan? I don’t even think I kept the receipt."

    Adric Taylor Clinical Education Consultant
  • "No!!! Oh, wait, never mind. It's 2009."

    Davros Monasterio Concessions Manager
  • "That guy gets upset when a girl doesn't like him. I can't imagine the shitty music he's gonna pump out of cracking three ribs."

    Leela Schmersal Marketing Sales

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