Weezer Cancels Concerts

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Vol 45 Issue 50

Everyone In Dream Smells Smoke

DAYTON, OH—Every single person, historical figure, and anthropomorphic talking object from Brian Jensen's dream Sunday night was suddenly struck by the unusually powerful smell of smoke, subconscious sources reported.

Mark Ingram

The Alabama halfback may become the first Crimson Tide player ever to win the Heisman. Is he any good?
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Weezer Cancels Concerts

Following a bus accident in which lead singer Rivers Cuomo cracked three ribs, the band Weezer has canceled its December tour dates. What do you think?
  • "Now where the hell am I going to wear this stupid cardigan? I don’t even think I kept the receipt."

    Adric Taylor
    Clinical Education Consultant
  • "No!!! Oh, wait, never mind. It's 2009."

    Davros Monasterio
    Concessions Manager
  • "That guy gets upset when a girl doesn't like him. I can't imagine the shitty music he's gonna pump out of cracking three ribs."

    Leela Schmersal
    Marketing Sales
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