adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

Weiland Out Of Velvet Revolver

Rock band Velvet Revolver has parted ways with singer Scott Weiland, saying in a statement that Weiland "wasn't 100 percent committed" to the fans or music. What do you think?
  • "How can anyone measure up to Slash's professional standards of excellence?"

    Jon Evans Blackjack Dealer
  • "If Weiland doesn't get sober, he'll end up just like Kurt Cobain. Actually, that's a bit extreme. He'll be more like Layne Staley."

    Oliver Topper Bank Teller
  • "It was a glorious run but after some albums and tours and interviews, I guess the time has come to move on."

    Anya Lonberg-Holm Camera Salesperson
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close