Weiland Out Of Velvet Revolver

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
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Weiland Out Of Velvet Revolver

Rock band Velvet Revolver has parted ways with singer Scott Weiland, saying in a statement that Weiland "wasn't 100 percent committed" to the fans or music. What do you think?
  • "How can anyone measure up to Slash's professional standards of excellence?"

    Jon Evans
    Blackjack Dealer
  • "If Weiland doesn't get sober, he'll end up just like Kurt Cobain. Actually, that's a bit extreme. He'll be more like Layne Staley."

    Oliver Topper
    Bank Teller
  • "It was a glorious run but after some albums and tours and interviews, I guess the time has come to move on."

    Anya Lonberg-Holm
    Camera Salesperson