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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Weiland Out Of Velvet Revolver

Rock band Velvet Revolver has parted ways with singer Scott Weiland, saying in a statement that Weiland "wasn't 100 percent committed" to the fans or music. What do you think?
  • "How can anyone measure up to Slash's professional standards of excellence?"

    Jon Evans Blackjack Dealer
  • "If Weiland doesn't get sober, he'll end up just like Kurt Cobain. Actually, that's a bit extreme. He'll be more like Layne Staley."

    Oliver Topper Bank Teller
  • "It was a glorious run but after some albums and tours and interviews, I guess the time has come to move on."

    Anya Lonberg-Holm Camera Salesperson
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