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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Wendy's Surpasses Burger King

In 2011, Wendy's overtook Burger King to become the No. 2 fast food hamburger chain in the United States. What do you think?

  • "Burger King needs to up their game. Have they thought of offering French fries?"

    Jodi Meadows Rectification Printer
  • "Burger King should have thought twice before giving a job to that Anderson kid from up the street. Who eats at a place that would hire that moron?"

    Russell Chriest Systems Analyst
  • "If only Dave Thomas were alive. He loved competition almost as much as he hated circular patties."

    Greg Bell Harness Cleaner

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