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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.
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Wendy's Surpasses Burger King

In 2011, Wendy's overtook Burger King to become the No. 2 fast food hamburger chain in the United States. What do you think?

  • "Burger King needs to up their game. Have they thought of offering French fries?"

    Jodi Meadows Rectification Printer
  • "Burger King should have thought twice before giving a job to that Anderson kid from up the street. Who eats at a place that would hire that moron?"

    Russell Chriest Systems Analyst
  • "If only Dave Thomas were alive. He loved competition almost as much as he hated circular patties."

    Greg Bell Harness Cleaner

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