Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Western Gorilla Almost Extinct

According to the Western Conservation Union, the Western Gorilla is now closer than ever to global extinction. What do you think?
  • "That's an interesting fact, but how is the Fatmucket Clam doing?"

    Chris Walther Systems Analyst
  • "Is there an address where we can send bananas?"

    Maria Smith Professional Scrapbooker
  • "Well, if Grape Ape was any indication, they weren't a very intelligent species, given their propensity riding on the roofs of cars."

    Mike McDonnagh Rescue Diver
More Videos


More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.