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Politics

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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What Did Bush Know Before 9/11?

Last week, a report revealed that President Bush was briefed on the possibility of terrorist hijackings several weeks before Sept. 11. What do you think?
  • "Of course the U.S. had prior warning. Flying a plane into a building requires a permit that has to be applied for months in advance."

    Don Dawson Carpet Installer
  • "In a post-Sept. 11 world, this pre-Sept. 11 information is chilling."

    Thomas Carter Systems Analyst
  • "As a regional FBI director, I want to assure the American people that tracking down potential terrorists is really, really hard."

    Bob Gullickson FBI Agent
  • "If Bush had gotten all panicked about the warning, the terrorists would have already won."

    Melanie Parrish Psychologist
  • "I told everyone that something bad would happen to America in 2001. I even said the letter 'A' would be involved. But did they listen?"

    Jill Cromartie Caterer
  • "Whoa. Back up. Now, what happened on Sept. 11?"

    Kenneth LeFlore Electrician

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