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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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What Do You Think?

Controversial rapper Eminem was recently nominated for four Grammys, sparking protest from groups such as GLAAD and NOW, who say his music promotes violence against gays and women. What do you think?
  • "Eminem should win. On The Marshall Mathers LP, he makes some very trenchant points about sawing off his mom's tits with a chainsaw."

    Marc Andersen Delivery Driver
  • "This is a slap in the face to truly deserving nominees like Don Henley, up for Best Male Rock Vocal Performance for 'Workin' It.'"

    Carl Weatherspoon Investment Banker
  • "You didn't hear Jews complaining back in '89 when Professor Griff won Best Rap Song for 'Wicked Moneylending Vampire Kikes (Killum All).'"

    Mel Dixon Systems Analyst
  • "Eminem deserves to win after being so badly snubbed at last year's Tonys."

    Linda Pulliam Homemaker
  • "They could end this uproar by creating a separate category like Best Album That Never Should Have Been Recorded Because It Is An Affront To All That Is Decent."

    Benjamin Reese Carpenter
  • "It's a trade-off. On the one hand, you risk alienating conservative Grammy voters, but on the other, the Grammys will actually be watched by people."

    Liz Toffler Student
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