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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

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What Do You Think?

Controversial rapper Eminem was recently nominated for four Grammys, sparking protest from groups such as GLAAD and NOW, who say his music promotes violence against gays and women. What do you think?
  • "Eminem should win. On The Marshall Mathers LP, he makes some very trenchant points about sawing off his mom's tits with a chainsaw."

    Marc Andersen Delivery Driver
  • "This is a slap in the face to truly deserving nominees like Don Henley, up for Best Male Rock Vocal Performance for 'Workin' It.'"

    Carl Weatherspoon Investment Banker
  • "You didn't hear Jews complaining back in '89 when Professor Griff won Best Rap Song for 'Wicked Moneylending Vampire Kikes (Killum All).'"

    Mel Dixon Systems Analyst
  • "Eminem deserves to win after being so badly snubbed at last year's Tonys."

    Linda Pulliam Homemaker
  • "They could end this uproar by creating a separate category like Best Album That Never Should Have Been Recorded Because It Is An Affront To All That Is Decent."

    Benjamin Reese Carpenter
  • "It's a trade-off. On the one hand, you risk alienating conservative Grammy voters, but on the other, the Grammys will actually be watched by people."

    Liz Toffler Student

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