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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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What's Up, Dick?

Vice-President Cheney has spent much of the past several weeks hidden from public view in a secret location, prompting rumors about his status. What do you think?
  • "Man, if something happens to him, do you realize Bush becomes the vice-president?"

    Dom Delavan Roofer
  • "He's probably been hiding out in a Nebraska bunker roughly 43 miles northeast of Hastings, allowing him fast access to any location in the U.S. Of course, that's just an uneducated guess."

    Frank Castina Truck Driver
  • "You know, Cheney reminds me a lot of my dad. Angry, humorless, dying of heart disease..."

    Iris Nelson Waitress
  • "The idea of a vice-president maintaining a low profile—it's just too disturbing to process."

    Carla Brodson Librarian
  • "Like any U.S. leader, he's where you'd expect him to be: hundreds of miles below the Earth's surface in an impregnable star chamber with top Illuminati officials, charting our fates."

    Todd McKechnie Systems Analyst
  • "I strongly suspect the government is pulling a Weekend At Bernie's on us."

    Carl Vinson Civil Engineer

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