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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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What's Up, Dick?

Vice-President Cheney has spent much of the past several weeks hidden from public view in a secret location, prompting rumors about his status. What do you think?
  • "Man, if something happens to him, do you realize Bush becomes the vice-president?"

    Dom Delavan Roofer
  • "He's probably been hiding out in a Nebraska bunker roughly 43 miles northeast of Hastings, allowing him fast access to any location in the U.S. Of course, that's just an uneducated guess."

    Frank Castina Truck Driver
  • "You know, Cheney reminds me a lot of my dad. Angry, humorless, dying of heart disease..."

    Iris Nelson Waitress
  • "The idea of a vice-president maintaining a low profile—it's just too disturbing to process."

    Carla Brodson Librarian
  • "Like any U.S. leader, he's where you'd expect him to be: hundreds of miles below the Earth's surface in an impregnable star chamber with top Illuminati officials, charting our fates."

    Todd McKechnie Systems Analyst
  • "I strongly suspect the government is pulling a Weekend At Bernie's on us."

    Carl Vinson Civil Engineer

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