adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

What's Up, Dick?

Vice-President Cheney has spent much of the past several weeks hidden from public view in a secret location, prompting rumors about his status. What do you think?
  • "Man, if something happens to him, do you realize Bush becomes the vice-president?"

    Dom Delavan Roofer
  • "He's probably been hiding out in a Nebraska bunker roughly 43 miles northeast of Hastings, allowing him fast access to any location in the U.S. Of course, that's just an uneducated guess."

    Frank Castina Truck Driver
  • "You know, Cheney reminds me a lot of my dad. Angry, humorless, dying of heart disease..."

    Iris Nelson Waitress
  • "The idea of a vice-president maintaining a low profile—it's just too disturbing to process."

    Carla Brodson Librarian
  • "Like any U.S. leader, he's where you'd expect him to be: hundreds of miles below the Earth's surface in an impregnable star chamber with top Illuminati officials, charting our fates."

    Todd McKechnie Systems Analyst
  • "I strongly suspect the government is pulling a Weekend At Bernie's on us."

    Carl Vinson Civil Engineer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close