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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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White Actor Cast As Michael Jackson In Upcoming Film

Controversy has surrounded the casting of white actor Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in the upcoming comedy Elizabeth, Michael & Marlon, a film based on the allegedly true story of Michael Jackson leaving New York City with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando after the 9/11 attacks. What do you think?

  • “When will Hollywood finally address the issue of white British actors taking roles away from white American actors?”

    Reese Crowley Cardboard Specialist
  • “Of course it’s controversial, but I think enough time has finally passed to make a movie about 9/11.”

    Brian Dornan Saw Sharpener
  • “It’s like we’re living in a society where the triumphant hook from ‘Black Or White’ doesn’t even exist.”

    Jamie Miller Dent Remover
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