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White Actor Cast As Michael Jackson In Upcoming Film

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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White Actor Cast As Michael Jackson In Upcoming Film

Controversy has surrounded the casting of white actor Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in the upcoming comedy Elizabeth, Michael & Marlon, a film based on the allegedly true story of Michael Jackson leaving New York City with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando after the 9/11 attacks. What do you think?

  • “When will Hollywood finally address the issue of white British actors taking roles away from white American actors?”

    Reese Crowley Cardboard Specialist
  • “Of course it’s controversial, but I think enough time has finally passed to make a movie about 9/11.”

    Brian Dornan Saw Sharpener
  • “It’s like we’re living in a society where the triumphant hook from ‘Black Or White’ doesn’t even exist.”

    Jamie Miller Dent Remover

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