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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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White House Ethics Class

In order to restore integrity to the image-damaged White House, President Bush is ordering his staff to take an ethics refresher course. What do you think?
  • "Cool. I hear Rove only needs one more humanities credit to get his degree anyway."

    Rebecca Nilsen Marketer
  • "I think that Bush should have stayed the course and not let outside influences force his team to become ethical at this point in the game."

    Otis Reilly Systems Analyst
  • "Hold on... Are they taking ethics classes? Or sending them to ethics fantasy camp?"

    Jason Said Dietician

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