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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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White House, NRA Meet To Discuss Guns

A White House task force headed by Vice President Joe Biden is meeting today with a top representative of the National Rifle Association to discuss policies aimed at reducing gun violence. What do you think?

  • “I’m glad to hear the NRA is finally getting the opportunity to present its ideas to the government.”

    Albert Gianette Roads Supervisor
  • “Why are they discussing gun control when even the bumper-sticker industry has concluded that guns don’t kill people?”

    Malcolm Anaya Travel Agent
  • “I hope they seriously consider either mental-health checks or not doing anything.”

    Jan Rosenthal Voltage Tester
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