adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

White House Swaps With Taliban To Free U.S. Soldier

The Obama administration has reached a deal with Taliban leaders to release Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, the last American prisoner of war in Afghanistan, in exchange for five Guantanamo Bay detainees, a decision that has been criticized by GOP leaders who argue that it violates the nation’s policy of not negotiating with terrorists. What do you think?

  • “Wow, the GOP must really be upset to just openly criticize Obama like that.”

    Ted Corsick Construction Estimator
  • “It’s unconscionable that we’re releasing these Gitmo detainees now for a prisoner swap when legally they should have been released years ago for nothing.”

    Stan McGinty Systems Analyst
  • “I bet beneath those five black hoods are five great big smiles.”

    Katie Hoyt Watercolor Artist
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close