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White Texan Wins Election After Pretending To Be Black

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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White Texan Wins Election After Pretending To Be Black

A white conservative won a seat on the Houston Community College Board of Trustees after sending out flyers in his predominantly black neighborhood that showed stock images of African-Americans and included an endorsement by a family member who has the same name as a popular local black politician. What do you think?

  • “Mitt Romney has to be kicking himself right now.”

    Buford Grazer Auctioneer
  • “Don’t be so naive. No one gets on the Houston Community College Board of Trustees without a few dirty tricks.”

    Leah Palevsky Systems Analyst
  • “This is exactly the kind of thing that causes people to lose trust in what’s printed on flyers.”

    Weston Zane Cotton Grower

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