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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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'Whitney Houston' Top Google Search Of 2012

According to Google, the world’s top trending search topic of 2012 was “Whitney Houston,” the famed American vocalist who died in February. What do you think?

  • “Wasn’t me. I already know all there is to know about Whitney Houston.”

    Marty Gibbs Toggle Press Operator
  • “Happen to know offhand how ‘lawn mower repair Muncie Indiana’ ranked? Or ‘Q-tip eardrum damage’?”

    Renee Snopel Gas Delivery Driver
  • “I’m sure Whitney is somewhere up above tracking the top trending Google search results and smiling.”

    Tim DeWolf Crushed Stone Grader

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