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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Wife Throws Raw Meat At Casey Kasem’s Daughter

The feud between family members of radio personality Casey Kasem escalated after his wife, who was earlier accused of kidnapping the sickly 82-year-old from his L.A. home, allegedly hurled a pound of raw meat at stepdaughter Kerri Kasem and told reporters that she was inspired to do so by a verse from the King James Bible. What do you think?

  • “I’m just glad Casey Kasem isn’t alive enough to see this.”

    Mitchell Gold Unemployed
  • “The Bible’s meat-throwing passages were never meant to be taken literally.”

    Candace Gregory Wholesale Retailer
  • “This completely uninteresting story just keeps getting weirder!”

    Michael Huffman Luxury Goods Pricer
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