Wife Throws Raw Meat At Casey Kasem’s Daughter

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Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Wife Throws Raw Meat At Casey Kasem’s Daughter

The feud between family members of radio personality Casey Kasem escalated after his wife, who was earlier accused of kidnapping the sickly 82-year-old from his L.A. home, allegedly hurled a pound of raw meat at stepdaughter Kerri Kasem and told reporters that she was inspired to do so by a verse from the King James Bible. What do you think?

  • “I’m just glad Casey Kasem isn’t alive enough to see this.”

    Mitchell Gold
    Unemployed
  • “The Bible’s meat-throwing passages were never meant to be taken literally.”

    Candace Gregory
    Wholesale Retailer
  • “This completely uninteresting story just keeps getting weirder!”

    Michael Huffman
    Luxury Goods Pricer
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