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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Wii, Water, Death

A California woman died of water intoxication while trying to win a Nintendo Wii during a radio station's water-drinking contest. What do you think?
  • "I wish I believed in something enough to accidentally give my life for it."

    Tabbitha Martin Fire Marshall
  • "Get ready for the most ridiculous series of PSAs in history."

    Chris Friedman Systems Analyst
  • "They should maybe donate that Wii to someone who really deserves it. Someone who wouldn't drink seven quarts of water for a video-game box."

    Robert Lowe Dairy Farmer
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