adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Wikipedia Offline After Cables Cut

The popular user-generated encyclopedia Wikipedia went dark for roughly two hours yesterday after fiber optic cables from its Florida data center were severed. What do you think?

  • “This is why I always back up everything on floppy disk.”

    Howard Bartsch Occupational Therapist
  • “Thank God IMDb wasn’t down or I would’ve had nothing to prove my friends wrong with.”

    Matt Strano Latex Spooler
  • “I know. I was reduced to getting my unverified information from strangers who were physically near me. It was horrible.”

    Iris Cramer Highway Patrol Pilot

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close